The Northern... Beaches

It's hard to sleep on the beach when you're keeping one eye open for a girlfriend and the other watching out for her father -- and that doesn't include having to be careful of the cows.

The purpose of going to an Albanian beach seems to split along gender lines: The girls go to walk around, and the boys go to sit and watch them, which is of course the reason the girls are walking around in the first place.  Basically, it seems to be the same thing that happens in the city every night as the boys sit and drink at the cafes.  It is an excellent system of which I would approve very much if it wasn't for the fact that the girls seem to insist on bringing their mothers along with them.  This has three problems.  First, they keep the girls as a moving target.  Second, they block the view.  Third, they block the "How doin'?"

The system seems designed to show off their girls while making communication with them difficult, even for an Albanian -- for a Canadian having trouble saying more than a "Scheme spirti", it's almost impossible. Forget "Look, but don't touch", here it's "Look, but don't talk". It's difficult.  I don't think Albanian women have particularly better genetics, but there's just something...  Well, for one thing almost no one is fat (or if they are, they must have the good sense to stay indoors and away from the windows). The prettiest girls are about the same -- a well-endowed female with the right personality and style will stand out anywhere -- but the merely average dames here manage to dress themselves to their absolute best advantage and, whether for economy or good sense, don't cover their entire face with makeup.  And damn do Albanian women know how to walk.  Damn.

But I think I have discovered a flaw: Momma tends to fall asleep in the sun and girls just wanna have fun. So the girls go off for a swim and the sharks start circling. As a defensive measure, the girls tend to swim in packs, which seems to work quite well against domestic predators, but I think actually works towards the international's advantage. Once the mothers are out of the way, the most difficult part of the business is figuring out who speaks enough English to appreciate the flattery to follow, and it's far easier when you can shop wholesale. This is helped by the fact that pretty girls seem to prefer the company of similarly attractive females, so as long as you pick the right group you can't really go wrong.  At least that's my theory.

P.S. Since I complained about waiters before, I have to mention that the fellow we had at the Rafaello was great.  Which is not to say that the service was great, since they really, really need to add another waiter over lunch hours and keep the beer colder.  But he busted his bytha running around everywhere trying to keep us all happy.  If anyone happens to visit Shen Gin in the near future, sit on the right side of the Cafe Rafaello for lunch and tell the waiter with the scruffy beard that the Canadian tourist sends him another "fallamenderit" (even if he did constantly forget that I wanted olives instead of french fries).

Up next: An Albanian wedding

31 Komente

 Rrofsh per kushtrimin Sol! Askush s'ka te drejte te preki nje femer shqiptare persa kohe qe nuk ua kane shitur vete shqiptaret me nje cmim te aresyeshem. S'ina breshkaxhi ne, por ina pellazg. Ket po thote edhe ky cuni. smiley

Sa shume i paska zene dielli lopet.

Po te vej ne vlore se ja cajm gojen hahaaaaaa smiley

 

Nje gje nuk po e marr vesh une ketu, kush osht ky mer daj qe i kane lene vendin kryesor tek PPU, shkruan ne gjuhe te huaj, dhe per me teper po na meson se si "zihet rakia" ne vendin tone...

Sinqerisht, me gjithe respektin per te huajt, me duket pak e tepruar. Ky daja te hape nje blog ashtu sic kane bere shume te tjere para ketij, ose ata qe e sjellin ketu te marrn mundimin e te perkthejne "perlat" e tij... Nuk ma merr mendja qe nese nonji shqiptar do te kishte shkruar "mbresa nga rruga" me kete nivel shkrimi, do ishte stivosur tek "mos humbisni"...

Thjesht, nje sugjerim miqesor...

jom dakort njifarsoj me ty po mu m'duket interesant kendveshtrimi i nji te huaji qe pa paragjykime politike, krahinore etj, e trajton Shqiprine sic eshte dhe in his own funny way, jep dhe sugjerime se si duhet te jete per me terheq turiste dhe cfare u vret syte turisteve (qe ne mund te mos na beje shume pershtypje sepse jena msu)

Pershkrimi eshte shume i bukur, mese e vertete qe ne shume vende ne Shqiperi eshte gati e pamundur ti flasesh nje vajze pa e njohur me pare, me fis e me familje! Nuk e kuptoj pse e paskeni marre kaq me komplekse keto tekste, ai nuk po e shan Shqiperine, perkundrazi....

Mua me duket gjithcka shume realiste e thene bukur

PF, duket se qeka "time to get laid" thuj mikut... smiley

nicely done.

 If anyone happens to visit Shen Gin in the near future, sit on the right side of the Cafe Rafaello for lunch and tell the waiter with the scruffy beard that the Canadian tourist sends him another "fallamenderit" (even if he did constantly forget that I wanted olives instead of french fries).

Ok,kamarieri ta ruaj mjekren ose ta mbaj ate paster,por edhe ti o Turisto,o Kanadez,mesoi nja dy fjale shqip qe te vijne ullinjte sagllom,dhe porosia ne rregull! Se je ne Shqiperi!Dembel i dreqit!   smiley

Steven, as much as your humor and smart remarks are highly appreciated, your title puts me a bit off. Maybe in brackets you could've written 'for dudes only' and we the girls could've considered it a sidenote for the testosteronly.

That said, the pack element was well observed. In parts of this country it is still difficult to fend off pack wolves unless protected by mothers and going about in tight circles. Why we still approach sex as an invasive, violent act, is beyond me (I generally struggle understanding the pace of growth and evolution); why we still cuss by threatening to fuck one's mother, sister, and even whole parentage, energy allowing, how a language revolution can 'set us free', and other such questions, will never receive much consideration, unless maybe a Canadian choses not to do while in Rome... smiley

Anyway, observation is one step in the path to reflection, so thank you. Hope Albania has at least nourished you to improved health, and that you may tell fellow Canadians to come here for the olives, since apparently we cannot export them otherwise. We're better at exporting beach services (she says, with notes of self-irony).

Why we still approach sex as an invasive, violent act, is beyond me

Well, we Albanians didn't invent that. smiley For centuries people across the world have associated sex with cursing, meaning using it as a curse. Why? Kush e merr vesh why, but it must have something to do with penetration, since its generally used by men. smiley But now that we have equality between genders, I think it should be used equally by both. smiley

still was one of the keywords, xhibi, but thank you for the broad contextualization, the concrete imagery, and the recommendation for the future smiley

Except for the cow part, which might be considered (ironically) pets at this point, this is an unfair representation of Albanian beaches, culture and Albanian human behavior. It's obvious for a reader of this piece that the only author's attention is simply to hit a beach and get laid.

I guess we should be writing a tourist guide "Dummies in Mediterrenean". This "Albanian girl and guy" behavior is common in any beach that you go to, and should not be labelled just as Albanian, but it is Greek, Italian, Hungarian, Canadian, American and so on. Go to any beach in the world and if a girl is in the presence of her family, what do you do? Hit on her? The males will clearly let you know that you are invading their privacy.

If a person is in the company of his or her family, you do not harrass them for sex. If you are trying to get to know them, then you introduce yourself and meet the company in which she is, aka her Albanian family.  

If the girls are alone, than you might make an attempt to talk to them and if they show no interest that means they DO NOT like you. Being a foreigner does not make you more attractive, that's all.

Kanadezo ndrysho vend, ne northern beaches te gjitha gocat i ke me mamat dhe fisin....go to southern beaches (duke shmangur nga skela deri ne orikum of course).....po deshe ene to get laid.....with a little luck...... ene te mos hysh ne kroniken e zeze.

ngrijini nje permendore ketij

pastaj po mesoi si i thone nallanes shqip, bejeni edhe deputet apo hero te demokracise

threatening to fuck one's mother, sister, and even whole parentage, energy allowing

FLM! Made my day!  smiley

te tjerat zene se t'i thashe e zene si i nigjove smiley

 Emo, kam asistu njehere ne nje chat room ku ziheshin dy vete. Kur arrin argumenti ne nje pike te vdekur i thote njeri, "me kete qe the, e bone hallall te ta q* nonen" Dhe ai tjetri qe i pergjigjet: Rrofsh cuno! Do ja them. I bohet qejfi se eshte pleqni...

Pune kendveshtrimi desha me thone. smiley

Nuk di ne e kane popuj te tjere kete. Per serbet kam degjuar qe thone "pisku majku", por nuk ia di fiks perkthimin.

Nderkaq, psika anglosaksone e perveton realitetin ne menyre te permbysur  krahasuar me ne. Sharja me e perafert e ketushme besoj qe eshte ti thuash atij qe deshiron t'i kumtosh sharjen "motherf*cker", e cila e transferon aksionin nga "deshiruesi" tek i shari. Duke bere keshtu nje ndarje drastike te perceptimit te mardhenieve mes paleve ne duelet madhore te tipit "Burr-Hamilton" te Nderit!  smiley

Po ashtu, ne i japim me shume rendesi aspektit hapsinor se sa atij kohor ne aksionin e siperpermendur. Ne kurre nuk e sqarojme se "kur" deshrojme ta kryejme aksionin, ama jemi te kujdesshem te percaktojme qe hapesira, vendndodhja e objektit nuk eshte faktor pengues, sipas paradigmes "ku t'a kesh"; e cila gjithnje e me shume po zevendesohet nga shprehja me ambigue "kudo si te ndodhet";  kjo e fundit nuk eshte e njejte ne kuptim me "ku t'a kesh", por sidoqofte, megjithkete, ambiguiteti  nuk ka penguar deri me sot ne percimin e kumtit nga sharesi tek i shari.smiley

 

Kadareja eshte ndal te kjo dhe ka bo ca paralele me sllavet (serbet dmth) per referencat mbi nonen etj po si gjithmone, kur vje puna ktu, duket se ne kena evolu mo shume

i dashur emigrant. serbet thone "u tri picki materine", qe ne shqip i bie vafsh tre here ne te semes e u kthefsh dy here. Kot e kane femrat qe e akuzojne psiken mashkullore si misogjine, sharjet nga nena e motra jane sharjet nga personi me i dhimbsur...

S'ja paskan kenduar ende kengen e burimit ketij? Ohhh te ço ke burimi e te le pa pire...aman-aman, jasha-jasha!

Qenkan mbledh burrat smiley e po fliskan per burrat, nepermjet grave.

Emi, zere se e ke thene e zere se e kam kuptuar. Sa mire eshte keshtu kur e di si e mendon tjetri dhe terhiqesh qe ne fillim.

Mendoj, peshku fluturues, qe nder me i madh eshte zakonisht *irja e babes duke pasur parasysh moshen dhe monopauzat.

Megjithate Em me kujtove dhe dicka (dhe nuk them me), meqe jemi tek 'vendi' - me ka bere gjithmone cudi percaktimi 'mu ne p...', nuk di nese ke ndonje shpjegim edhe per kete ti. Ndoshta deshira e madhe dhe e verbalizuar per te *ire fsheh ndonje pikepyetje mbi seksualitetin e *iresit, dhe e detyron kete te percaktoje edhe nje here specifikisht se ku do te *ije?

Llukan, lere kete, se eshte diskutim 'linguistiko-antropologjik'.

Do bej KRIM kulmor kmibernetik po ta fshije. S'do i flas nja tre muj smiley

E mire o mir... The one and only, PK! smiley

 

Po qesh ala... po me dhemin ijet! Per at Zot!!!

 

Mendoj, peshku fluturues, qe nder me i madh eshte zakonisht *irja e babes duke pasur parasysh moshen dhe monopauzat.

Ben vaki, Tropizma. Fshati juaj mund ti kete ndryshe zakonet. Ju a hyni tek familjet e nderuara, apo tek ato "merre me long"?

Steve,

don't talk about sex where you are, please… ,you can talk about history or whatever ...but not sex; even when you having a order Sex on the beach "cocktail ", sitting into any bar, will not be safety enough …at least don’t stare to Mommas expression  ...noway to dads face...Big Grin>>

I love you.Smile>>

 

It's the best, you should try it.

aha, Stivi sa shehka nje femer i zbraska karrikatorin e komplimenteve.

Well done Steve.. bring us photos though.. try and make them as less-postcard-y as possible though... if you know what I mean... smiley

Tropizma: The title was actually an accident.
If you'll look at my last post, you'll see that I originally simply meant to talk about "The northern beaches", but when I actually finished the post and re-read it, the title struck me as being unintentionally ironic so I just went with it.
Personally, my favorite insult, in any language, is "shish kinanen", and I will be forever greateful to my Albanian friend (thanks Durim!) who taught it to me while cursing our work van after it died in the middle of nowhere.
And how do I go about mentioning alcohol in this intoxicating manner?

Gaia: Obiously. The difference I've noticed is that Albanian girls typically seem to go to the beach with their family to a much greater extent at a much older age than is common elsewhere, where going to the beach becomes something often done by girlfriends and is less of a family event.

Turi: Talk about sex?? I'd be happy just to get a young lady alone to talk about yogurt at this point.

Twintip: I will, though much of that will have to wait until I figure out a common thread to wrap a post around or simply write an odds and ends post when I'm finished in a week.

Hilarious blog!  hehehe

Për të komentuar tek Peshku pa ujë, ju duhet të identifikoheni ose të regjistroheni (regjistrimi është falas).